I Turned Fifty and This is What Happened

Apparently, I turned fifty sometime over the last few days. Years. Old. God, what did you think I meant? You know what else turned 50 this year? The 25th amendment. Just an observation. Anyway. I celebrated by riding in the middle seat of a rented Ford Explorer for eight hours with two Labradors in the... Continue Reading →

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Going Out On a Limb

Let's cut to the chase: I have a tumor. In my leg. I'm not that worried, actually. I'm sure it's nothing. I just kneeded a subject, tibia honest. Anyway. It's (probably) called an enchondroma, unless it isn't, in which case it could be called a chondrosarcoma and this will become a very awkward post in the near future. No,... Continue Reading →

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The Night Doorman

There is a jagged crack in the ceiling of this freight elevator; paint over a splintered fracture that buckles slightly in the center. Two pieces pushed together impatiently and then abandoned to decide for themselves how they fit. Hardly noticeable. A doorman runs the freight elevator even though it is automated. The day shifter runs... Continue Reading →

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Thank You.

I was angry when I wrote this Forgive me if it goes astray... 😉 ******************* Thank you for showing me what your face actually looks like when you peel back the skin - the carefully applied camouflage and strategic shading revealing something burnt and diseased and decayed, the fascia tearing like a bandage being ripped from an... Continue Reading →

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We Know Why You Were Late

(sifting through stuff in my drafts folder) My punctuality-impaired friend - we are on to you. We know that you aren't a bad person. Children don't always cooperate. Traffic is sometimes terrible. Flat tires, weather, locusts - yes, sometimes it isn't your fault. But sometimes, it just is. Like when the birthday party/baby shower/wedding has already... Continue Reading →

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Can We Talk?

"We’re creating a world of dummies. Angry dummies who feel they have the right, the authority and the need not only to comment on everything, but to make sure their voice is heard above the rest, and to drag down any opposing views through personal attacks, loud repetition and confrontation." ~ Ray Williams, Anti-Intellectualism and... Continue Reading →

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MILF on Fire

I'm typing this one handed. Because I have my left hand twisted behind my back, jammed up under my bra strap clawing at the imaginary spiders. Get your mind to curb level. My neighbors are trying to sell their house. I know because when I drove by they were showing it. Well. Also there is... Continue Reading →

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Inside Her

He watches as she parks her car and begins her run, each day the same routine: one minute walking, one minute at a pathetic, shuffling semblance of jogging until she reaches the same wooded halfway point. She is pretty, but curvy, which is what men say when they mean "you're fat but I'll fuck you anyway"... Continue Reading →

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I’ll Change

(First published on Sisterwives Speak, June 2015.) One day, I’ll change You’ll be the first one that I call I owe you an apology Too many thanks, and that’s not all ‘Cause I been runnin’ long before I learned to crawl. ~ The Indigo Girls 1989 That guy. The one who charms a woman with the grace and ease that... Continue Reading →

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Girl, Don’t Go Away Mad

Breaking news: A 45 year-old woman was reportedly questioned and released today after being traumatized by Google search results that she received when she entered the search term "Nick Cage and Vince Neil Dance Battle" Police were called when the woman, who is actually 46, was heard shouting by neighbors after a google search of the two celebrities... Continue Reading →

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Ain’t Talkin’ Bout Love

  And so it begins. That day…that wonderful, romantic day, where frightened significant others everywhere rush to the flower shops, candy stores, lingerie departments and/or “Adult Novelty” stores (because hope springs eternal), with the intent to purchase the perfect Valentine’s offering for the partner they cherish (tolerate). Those partners, meanwhile, flock to the hair and nail salons, for the mani/pedis and... Continue Reading →

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Things I Learned From the Mouse

(Image: forums.beamdog.com)   Once upon a time, I worked for a very large corporation. It is my belief that when they give a title to someone, such as the one I had, however insignificant, this particular corporation confiscates that person's soul and puts it in a vault, where they torture it by angrily and repeatedly shouting the key points of the... Continue Reading →

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Forty Seconds

  Forty seconds. Any one of a thousand mornings, a man leaves one place and drives toward another. Maybe he forgets his lunch, or his shoe is untied, or he drops his smokes, so he’s late. Or maybe he doesn’t, it isn’t, or he quit a year ago, and he is right on schedule. Maybe he pounds the... Continue Reading →

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The Hazards of Post-Marital Sex

I miss sex. I miss unbridled (who wears a bridle?), rowdy, noisy, uninterrupted sex. Pre-marital sex. PRE-pre-natal sex. (Is that a thing?) Pre-children-who-are-stalking-you sex. I do. I spent a good part of my late teens and 20’s having sex. Good sex, bad sex, weird sex…furtive sex, spontaneous sex, planned sex, obligatory special event sex, morning sex, sex... Continue Reading →

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Freakin’ Evel Knievel

It was only a matter of time. Searching for something in my Facebook messages, I tried the dread Other Inbox. And amidst all of the messages from men in distant lands seeking friendship and help with their spelling, whatever I was looking for...was not there. But there was a message from him. It stood out as the... Continue Reading →

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I Do Not Owe You

Trigger warnings: rape, violence At the moment I am working on two different pieces, and am making very little progress on either: the first was supposed to be a bawdy retrospective of my own sexuality and the second was to explore the insidious hierarchy of victims of sexual assault. And as I stand here drinking coffee in... Continue Reading →

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Death of a Mama Bear

My son is not a people pleaser. I have known this since sometime in the second trimester. Breakfast had become a perverted ritual. I would make my breakfast, arrange it on the table. And then go lean my wobbly pregnant self against the counter by the garbage disposal waiting for the first wave of nausea, so I... Continue Reading →

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