Hello, My Name Is…

 

Hello. My name has been Thoughtless. Selfish. Cheater. Liar. Petty Thief. Shameless. Hussy.

Also, Mom. Daughter. Wife. Friend. Listener. Volunteer. Helper.

Asshat.

Today, it would be Self-Indulgent.

I was recently published in The Mix/Cosmo. I know, I was surprised too! I wrote about how my husband and I don’t share our online passwords, not because we don’t trust each other, but because we do. I realize not everyone will agree with that viewpoint. The article has not attracted any trolls, and the only disagreement has been on the pages of people who publicly shared it. Yes, I look. It’s a habit I’m trying to learn to beat down. I don’t mind legitimate disagreement. When it comes to trolls, I know enough not to respond. I approach comments cautiously. I don’t think you gain much from the opinions of people who would troll a picture of a jar of Nutella, so I pick and choose, and then I quit reading.

I do read comments on other people’s articles, which isn’t very smart, either.

There is an article published the same week as mine on The Mix called “I Was the Other Woman, But Now I Am the Wife.” and I found it to be an interesting perspective. Her relationship began while her current husband was still married. After what she describes as an amicable divorce for him, they went on to get married and live a life with triumphs and struggles, just like everyone else. They’ve been married fifteen years.

I think that a lot of second relationships begin while one or both partners are still married, they may just not become physical, or cross into the emotional realm until it’s “socially acceptable.”

Keeping in mind that this is the same society that is seriously considering Donald Trump as the leader of our nation.

It would certainly be ideal if everyone made all the right choices at all the right times, wouldn’t it?

I think that leaving your partner is painful, and I think that openly doing so for another person is adding insult to injury, but I’m not here to judge a woman whose circumstances I don’t fully understand. I did what you are supposed to do – I read it. I considered it.

I think that barring a few with serious mental and or personality disorders, most folks are just trying to get by. The price for the choices we make is sometimes a lifetime of hatred from the person who has been hurt.

I think we love to hate until the wave of judgement is turned on us.

The author is getting hate-bombed. She’s also getting lots of views.

I am always perplexed by the number of people who leave vicious comments, but clearly only read the headline. It makes me want to leave a reply to their comment that is unrelated, makes absolutely no sense but is vaguely insulting. “Asparagus! Your mom! Obama!”

Why do publications allow comments? I guess because idiots like me read them, and clicks bring revenue. I also briefly considered writing a comment that would piss the whole thread off and then direct them to troll my article so I’d get paid more, which I thought was genius because the woman who wrote this article is cleaning up. Then I saw that one person posted the author’s personal Facebook page with the comment “Her husband is up for grabs!” or something and decided my skin is not yet thick enough to deliberately open myself up to that kind of schoolyard-bully malice.

Someone else wrote “Your children will always know that their parents were cheaters! Once a homewrecker, always a homewrecker!”

Really?

Some acts, some crimes, you don’t ever get to leave behind. They are few, and they are reprehensible. Cheating is hurtful, and I would never invalidate someone’s pain, but we act like it eclipses everything else. On the internet, you can steal from the pockets of orphans and we will forgive you, but heaven help you if you were ever unfaithful.

My point: are we really forever defined by our questionable choices? Do we really carry a nametag from our last bad decision for the rest of our lives?

If we do, what would yours say?

#MidLifeLuv Linky
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36 thoughts on “Hello, My Name Is…

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  1. Holy shite. You just shut down every troll ever with your last sentence. Now if we could just get them here to read this. I know! Change the title to “I Hate Babies and Puppies and I Like Sex With Unicorns” and they’ll come in droves.

    Liked by 5 people

      1. I wonder how they balance against the others I could use right now. I’m not sure they mitigate. Or are really in the same arena. Nvm. Just rambling out loud. And thank you for seeing the good in me 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. This is a great essay.
    As for those haters, all I know is click away, trolls! boost my stats!
    I’m actually thinking of making a nametag now, and using it for my profile pic on Facebook for awhile. It’s scary to think of what it would contain.
    Hey, let’s all do that! All the Sisterwives! (Or let’s not and say we did??)

    Liked by 4 people

  3. I have so many labels it is a standing joke with my friends. You piece today is very interesting, and I am happy you got in Mix/Cosmo, because you have SOMETHING TO SAY! That is wonderful and refreshing! 🙂
    best wishes, jean

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I love this and so agree. One of my friends is Rachel Dolezal’s cousin (the white girl who made herself look black) and after knowing that, I got a reality check. You never know a person’s background or story, and life is too short. So maybe just don’t judge for a minute, we all work our shit out in different ways.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m one of those cheating women. Luckily I haven’t talked about outside of my own blog so when I get trolls I just delete them. Still stings a bit – but not so much that it bothers me.

    My boyfriend and I don’t share passwords — I didn’t even know it was a thing. He can write emails to whoever he wants as far as I’m concerned.

    Great post. #blogsharelearn

    Liked by 1 person

  6. A good reputation is more valuable than money – you can’t buy a good reputation, you have to earn it – so in my opinion, it makes more sense to simply focus on building a good one, and then treating it with at least as much care as the other things we place value on in life. ~Paula R. 🙂 #BlogShareLearn

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I read a similar post about being the new wife after being the “other” woman and people were really condemning on that one too – I’m just not into slagging off at people who have made different choices to mine – nobody knows the whole story and who are we to judge anyway? I don’t share passwords with my husband – although I only have a couple (he is much much more password savvy than me) I just don’t want to become ‘that woman’ who doesn’t trust her husband.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. “I think that barring a few with serious mental and or personality disorders, most folks are just trying to get by” I so agree with this. While I’d like to think I wouldn’t get involved with anyone unless/before they were fully single, I’ve also been around the block enough to know that life is messier than some people give it credit for. With very few exceptions, no one means to hurt anyone, they’re just living their lives as best they can.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Often, when it comes to infidelity, I think people’s hateful comments are more a window to their insecurities. I found it interesting, for instance, when the whole Odom Lamar thing went down (not that I give a tin shit about the K sisters, but you pretty much couldn’t help but see these articles) a lot of people in the comments sections were making remarks about him getting drugged up and falling into a pile of whores or whatever. I found it interesting that as much malice was directed at the women of the brother (which is legal in Nevada) as Odom himself… and usually by women.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. “Tin shit.” I like that. Nope, you can’t blame hookers for being hookers. 🙂 Hateful comments in general are pretty indicative of people’s insecurities and shortcomings. Hey! I tried to comment on an older post of yours last night and it kept not sticking so I’ll tell you here: The Killing! Joel Kinnamen! I did not like the ending so much but I loved that series and loved him. 🙂 thanks for the read!!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh, lemme check it out! Yeah, he was super hot and I really loved the gritty realness of his character. But, yeah, that show was depressing as shit too. lol. Thanks for reading and also for letting me know!

        Liked by 1 person

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