Hello. My name has been Thoughtless. Selfish. Cheater. Liar. Petty Thief. Shameless. Hussy.
Also, Mom. Daughter. Wife. Friend. Listener. Volunteer. Helper.
Today, it would be Self-Indulgent.
I was recently published in The Mix/Cosmo. I know, I was surprised too! I wrote about how my husband and I don’t share our online passwords, not because we don’t trust each other, but because we do. I realize not everyone will agree with that viewpoint. The article has not attracted any trolls, and the only disagreement has been on the pages of people who publicly shared it. Yes, I look. It’s a habit I’m trying to learn to beat down. I don’t mind legitimate disagreement. When it comes to trolls, I know enough not to respond. I approach comments cautiously. I don’t think you gain much from the opinions of people who would troll a picture of a jar of Nutella, so I pick and choose, and then I quit reading.
I do read comments on other people’s articles, which isn’t very smart, either.
There is an article published the same week as mine on The Mix called “I Was the Other Woman, But Now I Am the Wife.” and I found it to be an interesting perspective. Her relationship began while her current husband was still married. After what she describes as an amicable divorce for him, they went on to get married and live a life with triumphs and struggles, just like everyone else. They’ve been married fifteen years.
I think that a lot of second relationships begin while one or both partners are still married, they may just not become physical, or cross into the emotional realm until it’s “socially acceptable.”
Keeping in mind that this is the same society that is seriously considering Donald Trump as the leader of our nation.
It would certainly be ideal if everyone made all the right choices at all the right times, wouldn’t it?
I think that leaving your partner is painful, and I think that openly doing so for another person is adding insult to injury, but I’m not here to judge a woman whose circumstances I don’t fully understand. I did what you are supposed to do – I read it. I considered it.
I think that barring a few with serious mental and or personality disorders, most folks are just trying to get by. The price for the choices we make is sometimes a lifetime of hatred from the person who has been hurt.
I think we love to hate until the wave of judgement is turned on us.
The author is getting hate-bombed. She’s also getting lots of views.
I am always perplexed by the number of people who leave vicious comments, but clearly only read the headline. It makes me want to leave a reply to their comment that is unrelated, makes absolutely no sense but is vaguely insulting. “Asparagus! Your mom! Obama!”
Why do publications allow comments? I guess because idiots like me read them, and clicks bring revenue. I also briefly considered writing a comment that would piss the whole thread off and then direct them to troll my article so I’d get paid more, which I thought was genius because the woman who wrote this article is cleaning up. Then I saw that one person posted the author’s personal Facebook page with the comment “Her husband is up for grabs!” or something and decided my skin is not yet thick enough to deliberately open myself up to that kind of schoolyard-bully malice.
Someone else wrote “Your children will always know that their parents were cheaters! Once a homewrecker, always a homewrecker!”
Some acts, some crimes, you don’t ever get to leave behind. They are few, and they are reprehensible. Cheating is hurtful, and I would never invalidate someone’s pain, but we act like it eclipses everything else. On the internet, you can steal from the pockets of orphans and we will forgive you, but heaven help you if you were ever unfaithful.
My point: are we really forever defined by our questionable choices? Do we really carry a nametag from our last bad decision for the rest of our lives?
If we do, what would yours say?