The Night Doorman

There is a jagged crack in the ceiling of this freight elevator; paint over a splintered fracture that buckles slightly in the center. Two pieces pushed together impatiently and then abandoned to decide for themselves how they fit. Hardly noticeable. A doorman runs the freight elevator even though it is automated. The day shifter runs... Continue Reading →

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Thank You.

I was angry when I wrote this Forgive me if it goes astray... ūüėČ ******************* Thank you for showing me what your face actually looks like when you peel back the skin - the carefully applied camouflage and strategic shading¬†revealing something burnt and¬†diseased and decayed, the fascia tearing like a bandage being ripped from an... Continue Reading →

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Halloween Street

It wasn't our last Halloween as parents of trick or treaters. But it was close. The first Halloween I was a parent, my son was six weeks old and helpless to resist. I dressed up, and I bought a ton of candy, and I decorated the porch. No one else did. The doorbell rang eight... Continue Reading →

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The Fun Part’s Over

I¬†had lunch with¬†my mom today. For those of who are unfamiliar with what that is like, try this: Go put on your favorite outfit, one¬†in which¬†you look your best, or are the most comfortable. It doesn't matter what it is, the point is to feel¬†as good about yourself as possible. Sit down, pour yourself some... Continue Reading →

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Why Is This Cow Smiling?

As you are reading this, I am probably standing at the south end of a northbound cow made entirely of butter, surrounded by a bunch of¬†teenagers made of....teenagers, using my new hella¬†rap skills to bridge the generational gap. That's how I picture it, anyway. I volunteered to chaperone my son's 7th grade trip to the... Continue Reading →

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Read This Or I Will Murder a Kitten

It's raining outside, and there are five feral cats lounging on my patio. I am running a halfway house for errant felines. ¬†I'd¬†post¬†a picture but every time I try Aunty Gomez freaks out and runs out into the rain and I don't want her to get wet. Here in a bit I will go out... Continue Reading →

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We Know Why You Were Late

(sifting through stuff in my drafts folder) My punctuality-impaired friend - we are on to you. We know that you aren't a bad person. Children don't always cooperate. Traffic is sometimes terrible. Flat tires, weather, locusts - yes, sometimes it isn't your fault. But sometimes, it just is.¬†Like when the birthday party/baby shower/wedding has already... Continue Reading →

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The Struggle is Probably Imaginary

Because it's time for a short, peppy listicle post! And because I am dying of boredom in a waiting room. *drinks Ensure* So here goes. I thought it would be best to stick with what I (don't) know. Ten things that I don't understand and/or like: "21 Day Yoga Shred." Is that like "Death by... Continue Reading →

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